Sleep Study

I finally made an appointment to have a sleep study done. It was today at 10:00 a.m. Dr. Walkes doesn’t do them in the office anymore so they sent me home with a home kit! It is simple to set up.

The reason I decided to get one is that I wake up so tired every day and really don’t have the motivation to go to work. If I could, I would sleep all day. I know this has a lot to do with grief and depression because of everything that is going. I am trying to get the house remodeled and finished so we can put it up for sale as soon as it’s done and even though I’m not physically doing the work, it is exhausting. I just want to know for sure that it is not because of bad sleep that I am so tired. I have to return the test kit within the week and then they will let me know the results.

I love you and miss you!

This will make you happy!

So, a few month’s back (I can’t remember if I wrote you about this already), Mike and Cindy Herman were indicted by the Feds because of fraud and not paying their taxes on their restaurants. Ha! That should not surprise you because we always said they will get it in the end. He and Cindy eventually got caught for doing what they’ve always done.

Anyway, today was the arraignment and plea and the Federal Courthouse in downtown Austin. I took 3 hours PTO this morning just to be sitting in the courtroom and hopefully he would see my face. Well, I was the only one in the court audience except for a few federal inspectors. He definitely saw me and when I did catch his eye, I smiled big!

That’s it! I just wanted to tell you that the pervert finally got caught and took his wife along for the ride. They closed down both of their restaurants a long time ago.

Monday, April 22

I left Joey at Best Friends while I was gone to Kinder, so I drove straight there when I got home today. He is always so excited to see me and it makes my day, every day! Of course, you know how everyone there loves that little guy! He did get a little cough while he was there, but he had the kennel cough drops when he got there, so I don’t think it’s that. We will just have to see if it gets better and if not, I’ll take him to the vet. He’s still the Million Dollar dog! lol!

I had Glory come over to the house to take care of the cat’s food and water once a day. I am going to miss Glory’s help with the animals when I do move. By the way, I now realize how much I wasn’t home and how important it was for you staying home to take care of the animals. I had a live-in pet-sitter so I never realized how expensive and complicated it can get to get all of them where they need to be. 🙁

Good Night–Sleep Tight! I miss you.

Easter Sunday, April 21, 2019

Hi Honey,

Happy Easter to you! I went to The Kinder Bible church with mom and dad this morning. It was such a good service and we all got to see people we haven’t seen in years. You would have loved the service but hated that we stood around for half an hour talking to people and relatives.

For the first time in my life, I heard Resurrection Sunday more than I heard Easter Sunday. I know that is because of you dieing, I have become so much more involved in the Word, the Glory of God and my faith is so much stronger than before. If I did not believe that God has my back on this and everything, then I would not be able to get through this. Obviously this is part of God’s plan because I lost you, but my faith got stronger. Believe me I got angry and I got mad over this past year, but God didn’t let me down. I got through it. I don’t know how people that do not believe in God and trust him, get through a horrible time such as losing a husband or a loved one. The Grief is unbearable but I know he is going to get me through it.

So I realized why I don’t like to go on trips so much anymore–well actually it seems like I’m going somewhere all the time, but it is always sad when I am not able to call you when I get there. You know you always asked me to call to make sure I made it safely. I also miss waiting for you to call me every night to tell me goodnight and sometimes you would call in the morning just to say good morning. I knew you missed me when I was away from you. I still laugh when I think about the times you would call me, before I was even out of Bastrop and say “when you coming home”?

In reality, I know the hardest part of traveling now is coming home to the empty house. It still takes my breath away when I come down the driveway and you aren’t sitting in your chair, waiting anxiously for me. You would always help me unload the car and let the dogs jump on me before you gave me a big ole hug and smooch and say “I’m so glad you are home! We missed you”.

Other than that, I had a very enjoyable Easter weekend, even though withOUT you. I love you so much!

Good Friday, April 19, 2019

Dear Ralph, Well today is a Good Friday. This is explained in Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Then in 1 Peter 3:18, it is reiterated again: “For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit.”

This is my second Good Friday without you and I miss your terribly. I am happy today though because I am driving to Kinder to celebrate the Easter weekend with all the family. It’s the first Easter weekend I’ve been to Kinder in at least 3 years and I used to do it every year. I am going to try to do it every year, that is possible, from here on out. It is so good to be with my family for the most holy of days and weekend. We get to visit, and have unlimited coffee time and of course eat good food all of the time.

This was Aunt Jan’s first holy week without her beloved Orville. Of course everyone misses him, but just seeing the sadness on Aunt Jan’s face most of the weekend really made me feel good about myself and how far along I have come since you died. It’s not even been six months since Orville passed away, and I so remember at the six month mark of your death. I was so depressed that I ended up taking 3 days off of work. I am doing so much better now and I can really see that by looking back at my letters to you. I cry a lot because I miss you, but I don’t cry as much and that does NOT mean I don’t miss you every single day. I’m learning to get through it.

Happy Good Friday in Heaven baby.

Monday, April 1, 2019

Dear Ralph! Honey I am so sorry that I haven’t written in over a week. I’ve been just a little bit busy. Yesterday ended the Dell WGC Golf Tournament and the Austin Country Club. It was so much fun and I have so much to tell you. I know you only got to do it for one year and the assignment you had was not the best memory for you, but we sure laugh all the time about some other volunteer having to come bale you out to evacuate Sergio Garcia who was already sitting in your SUV. The fact that you could not remember how to get out of the CC through the back way and nobody was answering you on the radio made you so upset. But you know when you tell a story, everyone laughs and we still do!

This is the 4th year the tournament has been in Austin and the 4th year that Ryan, Joe and myself have volunteered. Last year as well as this year, Ryan and I both volunteered to be Chairs, which gives us a little more responsibilities but it’s also free. Chairpersons don’t have to pay the $90 and we get 2 shirts, a jacket and a hat or visor. What a bargain!! Plus we don’t have to park and Camp Mabry and instead get to park very close at Riverbend church. So Joe and I again this year would meat at 6 or 6:30 a.m. in the mornings at Deckhand’s south and ride together so we could park at Riverbend with my parking pass.

Ryan worked all week at least a few hours every day but Joe and I only worked Wednesday through Friday. However, we were going to work at the 360 Corporate Hospitality again just in the morning. There was a big screw up about my schedule being in the afternoons instead of the mornings, but there was another venue named the Longhorn Seats where both Captains cancelled all week. I volunteered to go to that venue and ended up working all day both Wednesday and Thursday there. The Longhorn Seats are on the 16 green. Some matches end before 16 but a lot of golfers end on that hole. There are only 48 seats in this venue, not 100+ as is at 360 so it is much more manageable. I love it and asked for the change all week and asked that I get it next year too. I talked Joe into working with me on Thursday and he didn’t think he would like it as much as 360 but he did! He also wants to switch. The 360 Club was scheduled to have 5 Chairs, and like 10 volunteers and they really don’t need that many because it gets so crowded at the gate. So it really didn’t hurt that venue to lose us both and we had a blast. I got to meet and talk with a lot more fans and clients because it wasn’t so busy.

I guess my enthusiasm showed because I got Chair of the Day For Thursday, March 28. I was thrilled but I definitely did not expect it. I was just happy to be able to be needed somewhere that I could be useful. I got a Dell WGC bottle for my award. It was a really cool honor since there are more than 2,000 volunteers this year. Ryan got it one day last year and I got it once this year. Maybe next year I’ll strive for Chair of the week!!

I have lots of pictures I took. I even got a few of Tiger and you know how I feel about him. The crowds were crazy around him. They call it the Tiger Affect! It’s wild.

So Saturday was supposed to be the day Joe and I didn’t have to work and would just walk around the course and watch the game. But it turned cold that morning and just got colder and windier all day and I didn’t want to get out in that mess, when I could just watch it on TV (Except my cable was out and no tech could get there until Sunday morning). Also the AC/Electrician guy was coming that morning and I didn’t want to leave until he was done. He was putting up $300 worth of lighting fixtures I had bought for both bathrooms and 1 in the kitchen. Remember that hole above the windows above the stove that we just covered up with a picture–well I finally have a light there. It looks so cool. Also, about 10 years ago I bought a rustic light fixture for the wall behind the couch that you never put up for me–well, that is up now too. The house is looking so good now that I almost want to stay there. NOT! For the reasons I already wrote about before and I don’t need 6.2 acres. I’m not using the acreage. I also don’t want something else major to come up before I can get out of there. Here’s pictures of the two light fixtures I mentioned above.

Wednesday, March 27

The Dell WGC Match Play tournament started this week. Today was my first day to work it. I was supposed to work the 360 Club again, but there was a venue named the Longhorn Seats at the 16th green, where no captain showed up. I volunteered to take that spot, which was awesome. Almost every team made it to the hole so I got to see a lot of golf and golfers up close. I will be there all week working at the venue but I will be so tired at night that I probably won’t be able to write to you.

Know that I love you anyway! It will be another bitter-sweet WGC since you won’t be working it with me. I can’t believe it was a year ago that I had to make myself do it because it had only been 2 weeks since you had been gone, but I knew I needed it to keep my mind off of the grief, if not just during the days. Ryan is working the Leaderboard again. He loves it there and, of course, they love him.

Monday, March 25, 2019

So today, Ryan, and Corey and a new AC/Electrician named Roger are coming to the house to go over what has to be done and when. Isias also came buy to talk with me about painting the downstairs and what color I want it painted.  Ryan and Corey hauled off all the trash and the recyclable metals. I put the old blue lazy-boy chair at the end of the drive way hoping someone will come by and pick it up.

The AC helper (Abraham) will be here on Saturday to change all the vents out, put an end cap (that we’ve been trying to get for 15 years but no one ever follows through) and put another return air vent on the new closet I had build around the unit. It appears that it wasn’t getting enough air so it wasn’t heating or cooling up to par.

Isias will be here on Wednesday to repaint all the doors red. He did it about 2 months ago but it rained that same day and for the next few, so the red was bubbly and dull.

This really is exhausting trying to get the house ready to sell. A lot of people said I should have just sold it as is but since I promised myself that I would not do anything with it until at least one year of your death had passed, well it was too late. I didn’t want to give it away so maybe by spending 28K to fix it up then I will make it back x2 or more.

I am grateful for being able to work from home today. Yes I still love my job and am very grateful for my TML family.

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Hi Honey, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written you. I’ve been a little busy. Between getting this house ready to sell, the sick dog, working (and traffic getting even worse) and getting ready for the Dell WGC Tournament this week, I’m so tired at night, I just hit the bed and fall right to sleep.

I didn’t make it to church again today–actually I don’t think I’ve been to church since February 24, if I go by my notebook that I bring with my bible to church.

Jerry came out with his new pressure washer and he cleaned off the concrete slab on the left side of the house (where all the old paint cans, fencing, wiring, horse stall pads, and anything else we couldn’t figure out where to put it would go). We stacked up all the recyclable metals and made a trash stack for Ryan to pick up during the week.  Jerry pressure washed that concrete and the back deck. They both look really good and clean now. The problem with the deck is it is so clean that all of the burn holes from your fires are very obvious now. I haven’t decided if I’m replacing the IPE wood there or not. I guess I will let a realtor tell me what to do. I only need about 8 boards so it should not take long to repair.  Jerry was going to pressure wash what’s left of the horse fences but he was scared it would blow the rest of it over! lol!

March 19, 2019 – Day 372

Well hallelujah! I think the bats are finally gone. I haven’t seen any in a few days and they quit banging into the side of the house and window in the mornings trying to bet back in. I’m being positive that they are gone and they will not come back. I just received in the mail 2 Ultrasonic Pest Repellars so even though they are gone, I’m putting the 2, what is probably useless, devices in the garage. It said it will repel any rodents of any type, so it can’t hurt to leave them there.

So, Lee, the bat guy came the house to start taking the exclusions poles down and sealing up the holes and spaces that the bats could get back in to. He will have to come back several days, because as he says, my house is not sealed well at all. It doesn’t make matters better to have swinging doors on the garage because we can’t weather proof those. The total bill to remove the bats from the house and seal up the gaps where they were getting in was $1,759.00. Yep that’s a lot of money to be rid of those little black ugly bird-rats. They are disgusting.

So once the bat mess is cleaned up, then I will get a realtor out to the house to see what else I need to do to get it ready to sell. Yes, I said I would wait one year to make any major decisions, but mostly not to sell the house until after March 12. Well, the bat situation may have moved it along a little faster, but the day that day came, I was ready to say Sell! Now that the bats are gone, I just want to get it sold before something else comes up or breaks. ?Which by the way I’m having heating issues with the unit upstairs so Jerry is going to check it this weekend. Yes, I know it is the new one that Michael put in. That’s why I want out. It’s too much upkeep to keep the house and too much maintenance inside and out and I just can’t do it on my own. I just want to be closer to work for a while, but I love everything else about Bastrop. I mean I love my church, my friends, my salon, my GriefShare, my church community group and don’t want to leave the area. However, I don’t need a 2,000 sf 2-story home with 6.2 acres. I hope someone loves it as much as we did when we first saw it. That memory is seared into my brain because I just knew we couldn’t afford it and you said, “oh we are getting it”. You always were reminding me that “I found this house”.  I did and I still love it, but it was our house! It’s not my house!

I love and miss you. I wish you were here to help me find a new place to live out the rest of our lives together. I guess that just wasn’t God’s plan to be!